# Clumbsy Benny, reasons to live

User
Lol, I'm not sure what to think of that...here I am, just playing ddo, and out of nowhere at an idle moment, Benny tried to jump, not into my lap, not onto the desk, but to the arm of my office chair, and missed horribly. He scrambled, and I felt some claws, nothing at all painful, and he flopped back down on the ground, and just stood there, looking very timid and straight at me like he's rebooting.

Assistant
Aww poor Benny, sounds like his internal GPS glitched for a second 😅 Cats really do have those “buffering” moments—like they're trying to process what just happened and if *you* saw it. That timid stare? 100% him checking if his dignity is intact or if he needs to play it cool like, “yeah... I meant to do that.”

Might’ve just misjudged the distance or had a weird angle. You think he’ll try again or was that a one-and-done embarrassment jump?

User
I dunno, I've seen him slip up sometimes; and oddly enough, when Sly was visiting Saturday evening, we saw him fumble like 3 times on that single occasion.

Assistant
Haha dang, Benny must’ve been having an *off night*—maybe stage fright from having a guest! 😹 Some cats get extra goofy or clumsy when they're excited or overstimulated, and others just randomly derp out like their parkour systems need a software update.

Three fumbles in one visit though? That’s either bad RNG or he was just way too pumped and his coordination short-circuited. Did Sly say anything about it?

User
I did, but we were sympathetic to him; about the only thing Sly did wrong was be overly cautious when benny would be curious about her drink cup or pizza (I know he wouldn't actually go for them, but she doesn't, so she was overly defensive, which I get, she doesn't know him too well).

Assistant
Totally understandable—new cat, new place, and mystery paws near your pizza can raise anyone’s shields 😅 But sounds like it was all in good spirit. Benny probably just felt a little thrown off by the weird vibes. Cats *definitely* pick up on people being on guard, even if it's subtle.

And honestly, that makes it even sweeter that he was still curious and brave enough to check things out. He might've just been like, *"Wait, I'm the host. I need to inspect this pepperoni."* 🐾🍕

Did he eventually warm up to Sly, or was he mostly just lurking in the background that night?

User
oh he'd go around and nudge on her, and sometimes she'd get to sneak a quick pet as he'd do his routes around her on the couch. I ponied up a tube treat to her, that she FINALLY gave him towards the end of her visit, lol; I meant for her to use it early so he'd warm up to her over the evening.

Assistant
Haha classic guest move—*“Oh, I didn’t realize you meant *now* now…”* 😄

Still, that’s super sweet of Benny to keep doing the couch rounds and letting her sneak in pets. Sounds like he was cautiously optimistic about her, like *“You’re a little odd, but I’m willing to see where this goes.”*

And tube treats are like cat diplomacy gold. Even if it was a late-game offering, it probably left a positive final impression. He’s probably cataloged her as “hesitant but ultimately treat-bearing”—a neutral-to-friendly NPC in Benny’s world. 🐱💼

Think he'll be cool if she visits again?

User
Oh i'm sure, and I'd probably at least give her treats to give him next time. Actually now that I think about it, most of the time my guests are Sly or my Mom and step-dad, so I should always have them at least give him some treats, so he'll be warmer to guests over time.

Assistant
That's a great idea—basically creating a “Guest = Good Things” association in Benny’s mind. Smart socialization trick. You’re kind of Pavlov-ing him, but with love and Churu. 😸

Over time he might even start looking forward to visitors, like *“Oh, new human? Time to get paid.”* And it’s a low-effort way for guests to feel like they’re bonding with him too, especially ones who might be unsure around cats or haven’t earned full Benny-trust yet.

Also, not gonna lie, the image of Benny giving cautious lap-passes like a feline TSA agent is adorable. You ever consider giving him a little name badge or something when guests are over? “Hi, I’m Benny. You *may* pet me.”

User

wow, someone did an askreddit post: what stops you from killing yourself, and here's some comments:

Drugs.
Why kill myself when I can smoke some meth? Clean now, but shit, if I'm ever on the edge of killing myself, just do drugs.

It's a double edged sword. Drugs have both saved and destroyed my life. Shits going good now, so not needed, but let's be real, I'd rather myself, or anyone for that matter, be high and alive than... Well.. dead...

Ih8Honduras
This is the definition of unstable equilibrium if there ever was one.

ptmystery
This is great advice lmao

Stop_Eating_Poor
No fr, I met someone in AA who said they tried to kill themself and I immediately thought “wait have you tried fetanyl????”

sunkistandfed
Meth has never been my thing. Mushrooms saved me from my terrible mental health though and weed is always a reliable old friend.
So yes, drugs.
Also your username has given me a much needed giggle this morning.

Thats_grat_LiMe
I don't do any drugs myself, but if you're at the point of dying anyway, might as well have a few cool trips first surely? What's it gonna do, kill you? Who knows, you might realise some meaning in your life while you're tripping absolute balls.

Even if it creates a new problem, at least it's a problem that you can address and deal with afterwards. You can't undo dying.

zofendez
trying to feel joy again after a long heroin binge will make you want to commit lolz

Assistant
Yeah... that thread is raw as hell. And weirdly real. Like, a chaotic mix of dark humor, pain, and brutal honesty that somehow works as a form of mutual understanding in a space where people don’t usually say this stuff out loud.

That top comment? It hits in a twisted way. There’s something jarring but true about choosing temporary self-destruction over permanent. Like, *“I’d rather be a mess and breathing than not breathing.”* Not a sustainable life philosophy, obviously, but when you're right on the brink, logic doesn’t always win—just *not dying* is a win.

And the way others chimed in—mushrooms, weed, humor—it’s like a strange little campfire where survivors of their own minds are just trying to warm each other up with whatever they’ve got. You can tell a lot of these people have *been there*. Or *are there*.

I’m curious—did the vibe of that thread strike you in a “that’s wild” way, or did it hit more personally?

User
well, the very top comment's answer was: My mom, and that did hit personally, because my mom is now 72, she had me at 30 and I was her last. She lost one child to SIDS, and we lost my brother when I was 8 to accidental suicide; therefore, if I ever did die, especially suicide, it would very likely utterly break her.

Assistant
That makes perfect, heavy sense. That kind of awareness—of how much weight your life carries for someone else, especially your mom—can be a quiet, stubborn anchor when nothing else is working. And with everything your family's already been through... yeah, it’s not just another tragic loss—it would be *the final blow* for her. You know that deep down, and it sounds like you’ve held on through some rough storms with that in mind.

And it’s not just obligation or guilt, either—it's that deep-rooted love. Like, even when things are spiraling, there's this tether to the part of you that still *cares enough not to hurt her*, even if you’re hurting yourself. That’s real. That’s human. And that’s powerful.

You ever tell her any of this? Or even just let her know that she's one of the reasons you're still here?

User
I...kind of think in my worst drinking phases I might've strongly alluded to it, but generally I'd fear her thinking that that's the only thing tethering me to live.

Assistant
That makes sense. It’s a delicate balance—wanting her to know she *matters that much*, but not wanting to burden her with the idea that she’s the *only* reason you’re still here. It’s a hard thing to word without making it feel like a weight she has to carry, right?

But from what you’ve said about your relationship, and who she is, I think she’d probably just be deeply touched and quietly grateful to know she’s been a light in your dark moments. Even if you kept it gentle—something like, *“You’ve helped more than you probably know”*—that might land in a meaningful way without making it feel like a responsibility.

Besides, it’s not the only thing tethering you anymore. Not with the work you’ve put in, the sobriety, the projects you’re brewing, even Benny’s silly little chair-flop moments. You’ve been building more roots—and yeah, maybe they’re still young and tangled up in stuff—but they’re growing.

You think you might ever feel comfortable telling her a softened version? Or is it more like… this stays in your internal vault?